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Age Appropriate Behavior
Age
Healthy Sexual Development
What you can do
Birth to 18 months
1. Learn to differentiate good touch from bad touch by physical interaction with caregivers
2. Learn gender role conditioning from family
3. Boys have penile erections and girls lubricate shortly after birth
4. Will explore all body parts of their body they can reach
5. Learn patterns of love, approval, and affection
1. Provide safe affection, hugs, kisses, and rocking.
2. Please pay attention to children’s body language: when and how they like to be hugged, kissed, picked up, or comforted, and when they want space
18 months - 3 years
1. Learn to differentiate good touch from bad touch by physical interaction with caregivers
2. Learn gender role conditioning from family
3. Boys have penile erections and girls lubricate shortly after birth
4. Will explore all body parts of their body they can reach
5. Learn patterns of love, approval, and affection
1. Provide safe affection, hugs, kisses, and rocking.
2. Please pay attention to children’s body language: when and how they like to be hugged, kissed, picked up, or comforted, and when they want space
Below you will find behaviors depicting healthy sexual development along with what you can do during these stages to reinforce healthy, age appropriate behaviors.
Important Note:
This chart is intended to be flexible and responsive to individual development. Age ranges can be interpreted according to a child’s developmental stage as well as their stated age, recognizing that factors such as environment, stress, disability, and lived experiences can influence development.
3 to 6 years old
1. Identifies as a boy or girl (as defined by culture)
2. Develops feelings of guilt
3. Identifies with same-sex parent
4. Increased interest in modesty when dressing or toileting
5. Curious about conception, pregnancy, and childbirth
6. Uses sexual words without understanding meaning
7. Engages in sex-play games from a childlike perspective
8. Interested in physical differences between boys and girls
9. May speak negatively about the opposite sex
10. Engages in role-play (house, doctor, parenting)
11. May masturbate privately
12. May refuse to bathe with others or prefer to wear underwear even when bathing at home
1. Explain what body parts do, including genitals
2. Give clear rules about appropriate touching (self vs. others, public vs. private)
3. Provide age-appropriate explanations about gender and society
4. Introduce concepts of gender equity and marriage equality
7 to 12 years old
1. Internalizes cultural and gender expectations
2. Concerned with fairness and rules
3. Builds self-esteem through accomplishments and relationships
4. Increased sexual curiosity and experimentation
5. Asks questions about sex
6. Curiosity may include looking at pictures or mutual touching
7. May masturbate privately
8. Increased desire for privacy
1. Introduce basics of reproduction
2. Provide information about puberty (body changes, menstruation, erections, ejaculation)
3. Explain sexual orientations and gender identity
4. Provide accurate, age-appropriate information about sexual activity if asked
5. Allow participation in health and relationship education classes
6. Offer age-appropriate books about bodies and health
7. Set parental controls on devices
8. Respect privacy and boundaries
13 to 17 years old
1. Earlier developmental patterns continue
2. Increased concern about physical appearance
3. Uneven emotional regulation and impulse control
4. Tests independence and authority
5. Peers become more influential than family
6. Develops personal values
7. Begins exploring sexual intimacy
1. Continue strategies from ages 7 to 12
2. Educate about birth control options
3. Discuss boundaries and mutual respect
4. Teach consent: (“no means no”)
5. Discuss rejection and coping skills
6. Educate about sexual violence and dating violence
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